Rights of parents on earning children and some tips for tackling depression.

The following article, starting from ‘Qn’ till end ‘thume ameen’, contains approx 2,575 words. This comprises 3 pages in total. Here financial relationship between parents and children as according to Quran & Sunnah are given at some length. The rights of parents on earning children are discussed. Also the faithful can take out from this article some tips for solving the problem of depression. Thanks for reading.

Qn no 5….In light of Quran and Sunnah, who has the most right [sub se ziada haq] on a married man’s earnings [kamaee]? Pl choose any one of the following;

1…..his own food, clothes, house, business, hobbies etc. etc.

2…..his parents.

3…..his sisters, brothers and their children.

4…..his uncles, aunts and their children.

5…..his wife and children.

6…..his in-laws.

7…..his friends.

8…..his neighbors.

9…..widow.

10…yateem.

11…ghareeb, masakeen.

12…traveller [musafir].

Answer to Question no 5…….In light of Quran and Sunnah, who has the first most right [Urdu: sub se ziada haq] on a married man’s earnings [Urdu: kamaee]?

Is Option 2……his parents. That is in the light of Quran and Sunnah his parents has the first most right [Urdu: sub se ziada haq] on a married man’s earnings [urdu: kamaee].

We all know that a person does not need millions and trillions, i.e. a treasure (in Urdu language same is well said as a ‘Qaroon ka khazana’), to support himself. After all when a child is born the new parents also make adjustments in their lives to accommodate the new comer. In the same way when the children grow up to a stage that they start earning, according to Islam, the children must look after the needs of their parents. May be by this stage the parents become too old to work, or too weak to work or become ill because of old age, so the children are ordered by Allah to take good care of their parents. The earning children are responsible to provide their parents the same food, shelter, clothes, medical facilities and life style that they would like for themselves and are currently living themselves.

In one tradition of our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH when a companion of The Prophet PBUH asked the Prophet PBUH, How much right my father has on me? Our Prophet PBUH replied, “You and your wealth is of your father” [Urdu “Tu aur tera maal tere baap ka hai.”]. In all Ahadith and Quran statements “only and only parents have the first right on the earnings of the off-springs”. This right is exclusively of the parents, their needs, their oaths (promises & vows) and it must not be mixed up with the other persons that comprise the home of the parents i.e. the other kids of the parents’ i.e. earning man’s sisters and brothers, because only parents have first right on the earning man’s income excluding all his sisters and brothers, who are working or not working & married or unmarried.

Allah orders that every adult person must earn for his or her (if she is not married) living. This world is for hard work and every person must work hard here according to the ways of Islam and according to his or her abilities and circumstances. But if a sibling or any blood relation is not doing well in life, inspite of his hard work, and is coming in that criterion, as told in Quran and Sunnah, of “zakat recievers”, and the earning person is earning good enough to fall in the zakat givers criterion, at the end of the year he [this question is asked about a male person but this situation also holds true if a female person is earning well and comes in the criterion of zakat givers] can give “zakat” to that less earning sibling or any blood relation. Which people can be Zakat receivers? This is a branch of Islamic law which can not be discussed in detail here. So we will just stick to our particular topic which is asked in question 5, and that concerns parents, siblings, other blood relations and wife & children.
After parents, come the rights of wife and children. The earning person can not give “zakat” [after one complete year, the 2.5% of, his/her assets and savings] to his own parents, wife and children because parents, wife & children have the lawful right on all the earning person’s wealth and income, but he [or she if the earning person is a female] can give “zakat” to his [or her if the earning person is a female] sisters & brothers, uncles& aunts, provided if these relatives are so poor that they fall in the category of zakat receivers.

In Islam “zakat”, “sadaqat” and “khairat” can be given to siblings. And it is more appreciated in the Glorious Eyes of Allah that if siblings, uncles and aunts are falling in the criteria of zakat receivers, then zakat must be given to siblings, uncles and aunts than to the unknown persons. From “zakat, sadaqat and khairat”, only for zakat, a criteria is given in Quran and Sunnah, in which the reciever has to fall into, to recieve it. Sadaqa is a gift, which can be given to any one even if he/ she does not fall in zakat criteria. And ‘khairat’ is plural of ‘khair’ (to give something for gaining ‘khair’, meaning some good, from Allah), which can be given to poor, even if he or she is not falling in the zakat criteria. In Quran and Sunnah, Sadaqat and khairat are so closely mentioned to each other that they are interchangeable, that is sadaqat and khairat can be given to any person, rich or poor.

When ever any ‘zakat’, ‘sadaqat’ or ‘khairat’ is given to other person in cash or kind, it must be given only for the happiness of Allah, so the reward is expected from Allah only, AND must never ever be reminded that person about it. In the tradition of Prophet PBUH, it is told that the giver must give in such a secret way that when one hand gives, the other must not know of it. It is ordered to do in this way so that the self respect of the receiver is restored in the eyes of the society. This takes a person out of depression.

According to our Islamic teachings, it is better to ask the permission of the earner before spending from his earnings. But if the earner’s father, mother, wife or kids spend some money to fulfil their halal need, with out even asking the permission of the earner, they can do so. It is permitted in Islam that parents, wife and children can spend money even with out the knowledge of the earner, only up till the “halal” need is totally taken care of, AND Not At All more than that. While in doing so the person’s heart must be full of the fear of Allah, so he/she must discontinue spending as soon as the halal need is finished.

One more thing to be remembered is that the word ‘parent’ includes the grand parents (of both, maternal and paternal, sides), and the great grand parents, if they are living, too. This is why; in Islamic sharia’a [Islamic law] when the grand parents and great grand parents die the grand children and great grand children also have a share from their wealth. When the grand parents and great grand parents are still living they must be looked after by the earning children, grand children and great grand children. To rise to higher levels of ‘taqwa’ in the eyes of Allah, He sub-han-wa-ta’ala tells us to spend more. Allah Ta’ala guides us where to spend and how to spend?? We are told in the traditions of Prophet PBUH too, that whenever we intend to give some cash or kind we must start from a person who is nearest to us in blood relation. So there is no wisdom in spending huge sums in charities when one’s own brother is hungry. After the blood relations come neighbors.

In Muslim culture and Muslim etiquettes, after spending good money on parents, grand parents & great grand parents and taking, personally, extreme good care of them, health wise, wealth wise and in every possible way, Allah orders children to be extremely regular in offering prayers to Him All-Mighty and be extremely grateful to their parents, grand parents & great grand parents, and be respectful towards them. Children must keep their physical posture and voice lower than the posture and voice of parents, grand parents and great grand parents, and must not argue with them or say any thing harsh in their presence which may be disliked by them. Even if children have to disagree with parents, grand parents and great grand parents, they must do it softly and respectfully, Not At All in an irritating way, repeating and shouting at the top of their voices. After providing best care for parents, grand parents and great grand parents, Allah orders children to remember Him All-Mighty. So it must not occur to children that taking good care of parents is enough to be in the good books of Allah. Offering prayers is a must irrespective of what good the person is doing, so by offering prayers the servant of Allah is all the time looking at his/her inner soul and spirit and all the time washing it and cleansing it of any bad wishes (greed, jealousy, hatred, depression, etc) and bad intentions.

It does not imply that if the children or grand children or great grand children are not earning so these teachings do not apply to them. These teachings, to take best care of parents, and to be grateful and respectful to parents, grand parents and great grand parents, are for all children, grand children and great grand children, of all ages, and it is according to child’s capacity to practice them. There will always be some children who will be earning more than the others, or who will be in a better position to spend more on parents than the others, or in a better position to physically help parents more than others etc. etc. But all children are ordered by Allah to pray for the well being of parents, while in this world and also for the hereafter. Ameen, thume ameen. This also helps in decreasing the depression in children.

At many places in Quran rights of parents are discussed. Only one place I quote as under. In the 17th Surah ‘Bani Israe’el’ Allah says:

18] If any do wish for the transitory things (of this life), We readily grant them such things as We will, to such persons as We will: in the end have We provided Hell for them: they will burn therein, disgraced and rejected.

[19] Those who do wish for the (things of) the Hereafter, and strive therefor with all due striving, and have Faith, they are the ones whose striving is acceptable (to Allah).

[20] Of the bounties of thy Lord We bestow freely on all these as well as those: the bounties of thy Lord are not closed (to anyone).

[21] See how We have bestowed more on some than on others; but verily the Hereafter is more in rank and gradation and more in excellence.

23] Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

[24] And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”

[25] Your Lord knoweth best what is in your hearts: if ye do deeds of righteousness, verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).

28] And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness.

If it so happens, that the ‘married man’ is struggling in life (is poor) and the parents are rich. In that case surely the married man would only take care of his family and the rich parents must financially help their poor struggling son & his wife and kids. Because son, his wife & his children have a right on rich parents riches. Instead of giving their wealth to unknown people, for happiness of Allah All-Mighty, as sadaqat and khairat, parents must give lavishly to their own son and his family. So Allah says He will be happier with those parents and give them excellent rewards in this world and in the hereafter who help their poor son & his wife and children AND vice versa.

In Islamic Law i.e. Islamic Shareea’a, earning man’s parents, wife & kids cannot be accused of committing theft on the earning man’s earnings, because they all have a lawful  right on his earnings. In Roman Urdu it can be translated as Islamic Shareea’at main koi admi apney waldain, bivi aur bachhon per chori ka ilzaam nahin laga sakta kiyunke ye sab uski kamaee per haq rakhte hain.

From the teachings of Quran and the traditions of the Prophet PBUH we also know that whenever the servant of Allah does something good, a part of reward goes to the one who inspired him/her. In the same way if the servant does something evil and gets some punishment as a result, a part of that punishment goes to the one who inspired him/her. So therefore the children must copy their parents when parents do things worthy of paradise, according to Quran and Sunnah, then a part of children’s reward will go to the parents too. Same way the children must avoid doing things which Allah dislikes but were done by their parents, so this way parents will have to under go punishments for only those wrong deeds which they did themselves. And as children did not take inspiration from those wrong doings, therefore no further punishments will be added to the punishments of the parents. As children did not take bad inspiration from parents so the parents punishment will end after completion there and then. By doing so the servant comes out of depression because he/ she is helping in increasing rewards for his/her parents and stopping the punishments of his/ her parents the earliest possible. There fore the servants whole life is fruitfully lived.

The servants of Allah are also taught that whenever a servant goes through any type of hardship (financial, social, a death, depression or any kind etc. etc.), he/she must immediately turn to Allah and then turn towards his/her parents and see closely if any of their rights on the servant is missing or are not being done well. And what more can be done for his/her parents? After parents the servant must turn to other blood relations to see if their rights are observed completely and what more can be done in their regard? These are called ‘Huqooq Al Ibad’. Rights of people on the servant. They include neighbors, travellers, poor, widows, orphans, every part of society. But first of all the servant must start by looking into the rights of parents, then siblings, then aunts & uncles, then neighbors, then the whole society. Allah tells one type of hardship is sent by Him, to the servant, if the rights of people are not observed meticulously and completely. When rights of people are observed in the best way according to the abilities of the servant, it results in making the servant’s soul & spirit light and in curbing and finishing off the depression.

We Muslims must have our wishes according to Allah’s wishes. For this we must positively know everything, what Allah likes and what He Sub-han Wa Ta’ala does not like. Allah likes to see all His servants to be “the givers” and not “the receivers”. Allah likes these wishes and He Sub-han Wa Ta’ala tells us to ask for these wishes in supplications too. We are also told in a tradition of the Prophet PBUH that we must pray before reaching old age, for independence of old age both, wealth wise and health wise. Those old people who are independent health wise and wealth wise are very very lucky ones.

In some other cultures, there is the thinking that the elder son, or one of the off-springs who is earning well, must bear the expenses of not only the parents but the entire family. This is very wrong. One person must not be grilled and be sacrificed for the entire family. Every offspring must bear his/her own burden.

I pray for all who read this, May Allah make us good, responsible sons and daughters of our parents. Ameen, thume ameen. And May Allah make us givers and not the receivers. Ameen, thume ameen.

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